For many Americans, awards show season means glamorous fashions, quirky acceptance speeches, and telecasts that last about three hours longer than they should. This year’s awards shows were no exception to any of these, with dramatic red carpet fashions, acceptance speeches that proved numerous musicians and actors won’t be transitioning to public speaking careers soon, and programming that dragged on for as much time as it takes a sloth to cross a tree branch.
This year’s Grammy Awards, held on Sunday, February 11, were relatively tame compared to past years—the awards went to the artists who deserved them, and, due to an email sent out to performers and presenters, even the fashions were pretty standard. But, in an ironic turn of events, the craziest part of this year’s Grammys was good girl Taylor Swift’s performance.
Swift opened the show with her chart-topping “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” which should have been nominated in the Grammy category for “Best Song That Gets Really Annoying After Two Weeks.” The only way to describe Swift’s dramatic, strange, and slightly macabre performance was that the singer figured out people are getting really tired of this song, and in order to keep her fan base, she needed to turn on the Lady GaGa factor. But really, even the most devout Swifties are still asking themselves if the clown riding a tricycle that spews fire was really necessary.
On the other hand, a crazy clown on a tricycle could have been a good addition to this year’s Academy Awards, which were even longer and more boring than in previous years. Seth MacFarlane, creator of FOX’s Family Guy and American Dad, tried to keep the ceremony moving, but even his characteristic lewd humor couldn’t save the show.
MacFarlane could have been a better host, but the combination of tedious musical performances (Shirley Bassey, I’m talking to you), lame presenter gags (Melissa McCarthy and Paul Rudd, what was that?), and celebrities having weird problems opening the award envelopes did not make for a great telecast. Arguably, the most entertaining moment of the night was Jennifer Lawrence’s trip up the stairs as she collected her Best Actress Oscar.
All in all, the people who won awards at the Grammys and Oscars deserved them, and there were no big surprises, but musicians and actors alike looked pretty shocked to be taking home awards. At the Grammys, Gotye and Kimbra won Record of the Year for “Somebody that I Used to Know” and spent half of their speech thanking Prince, who looked completely indifferent to their win and had probably rolled out of bed fifteen minutes before coming to the show.
Meanwhile, the Oscars tried a new tactic in keeping speeches short—when someone was speaking too long, the orchestra played in the “Jaws” theme to cut winners off. If the tactic to shorten speeches was the “Jaws” theme this year, next year the Academy might even fling an actual shark on stage every time winners speak too long. That would make for an exciting show!
Overall, the 2013 Grammys and Academy Awards could have been better, but on the bright side, some fabulous music and movies, respectively, took home the top prizes. But next year, when the Grammys are deciding on who should perform, they should tell Taylor Swift to leave her circus crew at home.