MOVIE REVIEW: ‘This Means War’

This Means War is a silly, unbelievable, unrealistic, predictable, over-the-top yet spectacularly entertaining romp.
It’s one of those movies where you have to check your brain at the door, given its outrageous plot. Chris Pine (the new Captain Kirk from 2009’s Star Trek) and Tom Hardy (Inception) are two ultra-cool, ultra-slick, ultra-handsome super-spies this side of 007 who beat the bad guy (Til Schweiger, The Replacement Killers) and get all the women.
Except one.
The lady in question – Lauren Scott (Reese Witherspoon, Legally Blonde), a consumer products tester – presents a challenge. Lauren is trying to come to grips with the engagement of her ex, so her BFF Trish (Chelsea Handler, The Chelsea Handler Show) puts her profile on an online dating site. Relegated to desk duty by his hard-nosed boss (What’s Love Got To Do With It’s Angela Bassett in nothing more than a glorified cameo), Tuck (Harding) comes across Lauren’s profile. Soon thereafter, the two go out on a date with FDR (Pine) serving as backup.
However, Tuck and Lauren hit it off. Afterwards, FDR tries to pick up Lauren at a video store, not knowing she was Tuck’s date. Eventually, the two go out on a date themselves. The next day at work – specifically the Los Angeles bureau of the CIA – they discover they’re seeing the same woman. They make a gentleman’s agreement, vowing not to interfere with each other and to let Lauren decide who is the right man for her.
The vow lasts all of five minutes as they sabotage each other’s dates with Lauren, not to mention put her under CIA surveillance. Meanwhile, Lauren feels guilty about seeing two men at once, but Trish is telling her not to feel that way and encourages her to step up her game in order to determine which one she wants to be with.
The tension escalates between FDR and Tuck over Lauren. FDR confronts Tuck when he’s having dinner with Lauren, who finds out they know each other. Their tense exchange comes to blows as they destroy the restaurant. Then, Heinrich the bad guy (Schweiger) wants revenge and attacks them with Lauren and Trish caught in the crossfire.
In the end, they take down Heinrich and rescue Lauren, who chooses which one she wants. But have no fear – the other guy finds true love too. Pretty cookie-cutter stuff.
What makes this work is Witherspoon, who plays a stereotypical blonde so well, and the chemistry between Hardy and Pine. It’s a bromance more than anything.
Getting realistic, if you really think about this the CIA would be on these two so fast for abusing its resources the way they do. Two: FDR and Tuck would not be friends at the end of all this. Three: What they do to Lauren is unforgivably creepy and mean, making you wonder why she’d want to be with any of these two twits.
That’s if you think about it. You think about it, you won’t enjoy it. If you don’t think about it and take it for what it is, you will be entertained.

GRADE: B–